“If you are here, you have either experienced or are experiencing your babies loss, and I just want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain and for the season you are in. My prayer is that God will use us and our experience to bring you some answers, comfort or simply just to remind you that you know you are not alone.”
God wants you to be happy, pray to Him, and always be thankful for all the blessings in your life. But this does not mean it will always be easy, especially after a loss.
For example, maybe for Thanksgiving, you might feel anxious about gatherings, not wanting to face pregnant relatives or friends with new babies/children. You might feel like you will see many reminders of what you have lost or desired everywhere you look. Although family and friends surround you, the thought of answering awkward questions or having to smile despite your suffering can seem incredibly overwhelming.
I want you to know that those feelings are entirely natural, so please do not feel guilty about them.
Here are some practical coping tips when struggling after loss:
- Know your threshold/limits: Don’t be afraid to turn down invites f you aren’t feeling up to it—physically or mentally. Do what is suitable for your emotional healing. However, being around friends or family may help you feel better by remembering the good in your life and the support you have. If you’re comfortable, you may want to open up with how you are feeling. Letting loved ones know that the pain of your loss makes gatherings difficult may make you feel less alone, and let your loved ones understand what you’re going through.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
- Remove any guilt you may have from not being your usual chirpy self or still grieving your loss. You may even find yourself excusing yourself from conversations that could trigger you, and that is ok. You do not owe anyone am explanation if your heart is not ready for it.
There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit (Romans 8:1)
- Be prepared to be challenged with uncomfortable questions, have your answers ready. Many questions and answers come from an innocent place and a place of love, but if you aren’t prepared for them, they can trigger you or you could take it the wrong way and grow weary towards others. People will want to know how you’re coping—or even tell you how you “should” be feeling or healing. Some might even ask if you’re going to try for another baby. If talking about these topics feels acceptable to you, then do so. If not, you can say you’d rather not talk about it right now.
Do not take to heart all the things people say Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
- Be gentle with yourself: It is important to remember that it is ok to smile, laugh and be happy, even during your grief/healing. It is ok to be thankful for the blessing in your life. (Faith, Family, friends, life etc.) It does not take away your loss, your pain or how much your baby means to you. I want you to know that it is ok to embrace the joy after your loss. However, it is also ok to stay home or excuse yourself from the gathering, go for a walk, pop to the toilet to gather your thoughts. The point is there is no right or wrong when it comes to your healing. Do what is suitable for your emotional and physical wellbeing by giving y9urself the care and support you need.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
If you are struggling to say “Thank you” on this Thanksgiving, may I encourage you to listen to this song and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.
Tips on reflection:
The purpose of this post is to let you know that you are NOT alone in feeling what you have felt or are feeling. The pain, the confusion, the shock…It is all part of the process. I have listed below some “tips” simply sharing how I got through these times myself. I can only pray that you can be encouraged by them.
In no particular order;
- PRAY: Ask God to help you to not have a hardened heart. (See prayer below)
- WORSHIP: Listen to your favourite worship songs. (See list below)
- READ: Rest & meditate in God’s word (See list below)
- TALK: Talk to your spouse and brothers and sisters in christ, asking them to pray with or for you.
- FEEL: Remind yourself that it’s ok to not be ok! Remember God knows exactly how you feel and find comfort in knowing that he saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Prayer, songs and scripture that helped me through this time. (and continue to help me)
Prayer:
Lord, I come to you today on this blessed Thanksgiving pleaded for your guidance and your strength to get through this day with genuine gratitude. Would you please help me see the blessings that surround me and forgive me for being so consumed with grief that I fail to see them at times?
Give me wisdom to know my limits today, be aware of any triggers, and be mentally ready to respond in love at all times, especially if I am faced with uncomfortable questions. Please help me to be open and honest to my loved ones.
Help me go through this day, giving thanks for upholding me always with your righteous hand and carrying me through this storm that I am in.
In Jesus name, I pray, amen.
Songs:
Promises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1PonQaEtK0
Have my heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Skc4MQlq
Praise you in the storm: https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=t5jhtjLt0pg&list=PLXhWe5uvEV3lyngDmZ08-Icoudzpuz00p&index=2
Scripture:
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Isaiah 41:10
fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed (afraid), for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 18:28
For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
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