“If you are here, you have either experienced or are experiencing your babies loss, and I want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain and for the season you are currently facing. My prayer is that God will use us and our experience to bring you some answers, comfort, or just to remind you that you know you are not alone.”

Coping After Miscarriage

The first thing I want to remind you of is that “it’s ok to NOT be ok”

Just because we have a relationship with God does not mean we won’t experience heart-wrenching grief. Knowing God can help us manage our grief, but it doesn’t make us immune to it.

Jesus knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead, yet He still wept. Mary, the embodiment of trust in the Lord, mourned at foot of the Cross. Mary Magdalene and the disciples had faith in Jesus enough to give up their lives and follow Him, yet felt a sense of lost hope before the Resurrection. Even with knowledge of Jesus, the trust of Mary, and the faith of the Apostles, Scripture shows us grief still exists.

What we do know and can find hope in, is that God comforts us in our suffering. “He truly is close to the brokenhearted.”

In the book, “Held” Abbey reminds us that God does not shy away from our pain, but enters into it with us and even takes it upon His shoulders. He doesn’t say move on, pick yourself up. Instead, He holds us tenderly, meeting us in our pain, and He guides us closer to Him and to our salvation.

So please allow yourself to grieve, it truly will bring you healing.

There is no rule to grief.

Being kind to myself was one of the biggest healing tools that I applied and continue to apply weekly. Acknowledging your feelings and processing them in a way that is natural for you is important as well as taking time out for you to just be YOU.

Self-care I have realised is so important, but it may look different for everyone. Be honest with yourself, and ask yourself what could give you a boost no matter how big or small.

Grief does not need to make sense. It is your personal choice to grieve in whatever way helps you heal.

For me this consisted of the following;

  • Having my hair did (Even if it was a wash and blow-dry)
  • Putting on a face mask and relaxing in a warm bath
  • Having some alone time to just be still with God
  • Go for a walk (turn it into a prayer walk)
  • Having bed days, staying in my Pj’s and just letting myself feel
  • Read: I read my book “Held”
  • Stayed committed to my bible studies and quiet time

Your self-care list can look completely different to mine, but my main point here is to just be kind to yourself.

Rest in God

As Christians, we trust God, the Author of life, to bring a life into being and to bring a life back home to Him in heaven. We trust His timing and His goodness. But we do not always understand, and that can be hard to grapple with.

During a miscarriage, everything changes so quickly and the anticipation and hopes for your baby slip through your fingers.

How can your personal relationship with Jesus help you process and cope? Use your grieving season to draw closer to God and rest in his loving arms.

Drawer closer to your husband/partner.

No one will know what you have gone through or feel your pain more than your husband. I know it’s easy to assume they don’t understand or to isolate yourself from him during this time. But I assure you they feel and grieve not only a loss but also witnessing the woman that they love suffering and grieving too. Please pray for unity during this season of loss and pray against strife and division. Remind yourself that you are not alone, lean on him, lean on each other.

Connect with your church leaders and family

Please make sure you reach out to your church and church family for several reasons, for guidance, prayers, comfort and support.

We had so much support from ours, and we know now looking back that this was only because we opened up and asked for help. We had help with meals, prayers and even laundry and I can’t describe how much this blessed us.

It was not your fault

It is important for you to remind yourself, stick it on a post note if you have to that this was not your fault.

It is easy to go through the emotions and try to figure out what you should or shouldn’t of done. But I want to remind you of some truths that I have rested in myself with the hopes that it will bless you.

God alone is sovereign over life: My devotional “Held” reminded me of these truths…

Now we have got that out of the way you can stop crucifying yourself. There is absolutely nothing you could of done to have prevented or lengthened the days of your babies life. Only God can ordain the number of our days, we are not more powerful than Him.

Psalm 139:15-16 tells us that only God knows all the days of a baby’s life before he or she is even formed in the womb.

15 My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be.

Put your hope in Jesus alone.

I once read “God is Good, Jesus overcame the grave, Heaven is real, and the Lord’s plans are perfect.”

This reminded me that I can’t find healing or strength from anywhere or anyone other than our saviour. Please rest in scripture whenever your heart feels heavy, rest in his grace when your heart feels unworthy, and rest in his presence when you feel alone.

Tips on reflection:

The purpose of this post is to let you know that you are NOT alone in feeling what you have felt or are feeling. The pain, the confusion, the shock…It is all part of the process. I have listed below some “tips” simply sharing how I got through these times. I can only pray that you can be encouraged by them.

In no particular order;

  •  PRAY: Ask God to help you in your healing process
  •  WORSHIP: Listen to your favourite worship songs. (See list below)
  •  READ: Rest & meditate in God’s word (See list below)
  •  TALK: Talk to your spouse and brothers and sisters in christ, asking them to pray with or for you.
  •  FEEL: Remind yourself that it’s ok to not be ok! Remember God knows exactly how you feel and find comfort in knowing that he saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Prayer, songs and scripture that helped me through this time. (and continue to help me)


Heavenly Father, I am crying to you in my trouble. Deliver me from my distress, for I am empty and lost. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with life after the demise of my child. I loved my baby so much she was my world. Lord, give me the strength to go on and help me to take one step at a time as I come to terms with what has happened. Father, hold me and console me for it is only in you that I can find the strength to go on with life. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers. In Jesus’ holy name, I believe and pray. Amen.


Promises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1PonQaEtK0

Have my heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Skc4MQlqU

Praise you in the storm: https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=t5jhtjLt0pg&list=PLXhWe5uvEV3lyngDmZ08-Icoudzpuz00p&index=2

Surrounded: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpd12nQ82vw


Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed (afraid), for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 18:28

For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness.