“If you are here, you have either experienced or are experiencing your babies loss, and I want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain and for the season you are currently facing. My prayer is that God will use us and our experience to bring you some answers, comfort, or to remind you that you know you are not alone.”

If you have read my previous post, you will have read that we were told to go home and come back the next day. She told us that they would start what is called a “Medical miscarriage”. The nurse explained that I had to go into the hospital to deliver our baby due to me being in my second trimester.

On arrival, we were met by a beautiful bereavement midwife, who took us to our birthing suite and explained, along with the gynaecologist, the process to us both. On arrival, they made us as comfortable as possible. (which after such a horrific week it was comforting) A couple of hours later, they induced my labour, and I was aware that contractions could start immediately or within hours, and we knew we had to make sure we went through the process in a way pleasing to God for us to get through something so traumatic.

I was offered the following pain relief;

  • Gas and air (A mixture of nitrous oxide and oxygen in the ratio 1:1 commonly used as a mild analgesic and anaesthetic in medicine)
  • Pethidine (a synthetic compound used as a painkilling drug, especially for women in labour.)
  • Epidural (an epidural anaesthetic used especially in childbirth to produce loss of sensation below the waist.)

I do not take medication on a typical day, as I am a huge believer in natural remedies, so I endured and breathed through the pain for the first few hours! Unfortunately, this did not favour my body as it was so tense that my body wasn’t responding to the process even though I was dilating. My body started to react, and at this point, my temperature was rising, and the midwives were concerned about that.

I felt like I needed to push, and even with some assistance from the midwives, my body was too tense, and my temperature started to rise; that’s when the midwife said to me, “isn’t it painful enough to even be here” and wow these words just hit home… At this point, I accepted some gas and air, which wasn’t helping; therefore, they gave me some pethidine, which helped my body completely relax, and I delivered her within the hour.

The moments after.

The moments after, for me, was the most challenging part, laying there after feeling the effects of labour, having just gone through the pain, the emotions of bringing a tiny baby into the world, yet reality started to dawn on us. We are holding our baby in our hands that’s no longer breathing and won’t grow to be a baby we can take home. I hope you don’t mind me being honest with you, but I feel led to share for someone who needs to know they’re not alone. It is emptiness, grief, sorrow, suffocation all at once. Yet, at the same time, we are hearing babies being born all around us.

I have chosen to leave out the negative experiences, as that is not the purpose of this post; however, here are some ways we got through such a difficult time, the best way we could but most importantly, with God by our side. In addition, I have written some suggestions that you can request at the hospital whilst going through this process that we wish we knew at the time.

– Wash your baby before they hand your baby to you (this is something I have had to accept wasn’t handled correctly for us, and I do not want anyone to go through our experience.)

– Check you have passed your FULL placenta (you can ask for a scan to confirm)

– Have your baby laid on a blanket/clothing

– Take photos (only if you wish to, but know you can request them.)

– Take your time, do not feel rushed to go home if you are not ready or if something does not feel right physically.

No matter how much sorrow we felt, we knew that keeping God close was the only solution. I hope if you are waiting to go through this, you can implement these steps so God can be there to lift you when you fall.

  • PRAY: We started praying from the moment we settled into the room and continued to pray through our worries, concerns, doubts and pain. For everyone, this experience will be different me. I was thankful my husband was with me, so we prayed for unity and stood on God’s word together; now, whether this is your husband, partner, friend or family member, I recommend this replace husband for whoever is with you.
  • WORSHIP: We put on songs that our hearts could rest in, songs where God could speak his promises to our hearts, songs that we rested in before we go to the point.
  • READ: We rested in scripture that could comfort our souls in that time.
  • TALK: We talked about how we felt, the process, the pain and even about our fears.
  • FEEL: Oh sister, I promise you, even with God being in the midst of it all, we grieved, we cried at one point. I didn’t think my tears were going to stop. They just poured at times silently and other times with a loud sound of despair. But I felt so comforted that God says it’s ok to mourn.

Prayer, songs and scripture helped me through this time. (and continue to help me) 

Dear Lord,

We pray that you bless this room, that anything that isn’t of you will flee in the name of Jesus. We ask that you cover and protect us. We ask Father that you will be our peace in this time of loss. Please, Lord, be our refuge and strength in this time of troubles and heartache.

Father, Please give me the physical strength to endure and get through this. Help us to believe that you will get me through this, but please help me, guide me, protect me and comfort me. Would you please give us wisdom on how to support each other through it?

I pray that you help us to stay united and to get through this together. Keep us as one Lord; we pray against the enemy coming in to kill, steal and destroy our peace and union and help us stand on your word together.

In Jesus name, we pray, amen.

Songs:

Promises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1PonQaEtK0

Have my hearthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Skc4MQlqU 

Praise you in the stormhttps://www.youtube.com/watch? v=t5jhtjLt0pg&list=PLXhWe5uvEV3lyngDmZ08-Icoudzpuz00p&index=2

Surroundedhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpd12nQ82vw

Scripture:

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed (afraid), for I am your God; I will strengthen you, help you, and uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 18:28

For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord, my God, lightens my darkness.