“If you are here, you have either experienced or are experiencing your babies loss, and I want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss, for your pain and for the season you are currently facing. My prayer is that God will use us and our experience to bring you some answers, comfort, or to remind you that you know you are not alone.”

I will be honest with you; I did not consider the after mass of losing my baby. I didn’t even think about the obstacles I would have to face until I faced them. But I believe that I have gone through my experiences to be a voice and insight for others going through it for the first time. So this blog is about sharing the obstacles I hit after losing my baby and how I overcame them, hoping it will bless you and help you on your journey.

Coming home.

I found this extremely hard; It meant returning to our son, the place we had just spent months rejoicing in our baby girl’s arrival as a family. I found a simple task like climbing into a bed difficult, as it’s where I just spent months on bed rest for the right reasons planning where her cot will go, how much joy she would bring our son and family. We celebrated our last Christmas and new year as a three here. Sounds all so silly, but for us, this was a considerable challenge. For every person coming home will be a different experience, it may be a place of peace, and it may be a peace of pain. So if you are feeling a world of emotions being at home, please know again you are not alone.

My body:

My physical battle was a massive challenge for my body to go through physically. After delivering our baby, I had complications with my placenta, which took its toll on me. 

However, I was not prepared for the weeks ahead, that even though I did not have a baby, my body would respond like I had one; (read my postpartum post)

I had recently qualified as a pre/postnatal specialist, and I knew everything that came with postpartum bodies. However, I didn’t think these applied even after baby loss. So I reached out to my midwife, who explained that due to the fact I was in my 2nd trimester that these symptoms were completely normal.

Naively I just assumed that life would go back to normal, but that was the furthest from the truth. I now had to face my emotional burdens, my spiritual burdens, my physical burdens and surgery.

Silence:

I never knew silence could be so painful, no one knowing what to say or what to do. Family and friends were not reaching out because they did not know what to say, or it may not be something they wanted to think about as, let’s face it, people have their burdens. So please, if this happens, do not be offended. Do not take it personally and instead, cling to and appreciate those who are there for you. Remember, there is a season for everything, and God places the right people around you at the right time; this does not make them superior to another. It simply means God is using them specifically during your loss.

We made sure we talked a lot, shared our heart matters within our home, and this did help us. This may not work for you, and that is ok; when the time is right, you will share your burdens; please do not apply any pressure to yourself. There is no right or wrong. If you are not ready to verbally communicate your pain, consider writing it down, this helped me so much!!!

Suggestions;

  • Write a letter to your partner/husband tell him how you feel
  • Write a letter to your other children maybe
  • Write a letter to your unborn baby
  • Write a letter to God

I know this all may sound silly, but I read a post where a woman suggested writing a letter and I ended writing many, no one has seen them, but the words are no longer weighing heavy on my heart, and that lightened the burden of my heart, I pray this blesses you if you do, try it.

How we overcame this obstacle:

We prayed and rested in scripture that brought comfort amidst our worries and anxiety. Then, we started to tell ourselves that our home is where our miracle came true and see this home as a place of hope.

When I started lactating and crying, my husband stopped me and said, ” Rejoice, this is your body telling you it is working, and you thought it was broken for years. Read that again if it hit home for you, as it did for me.

My Prayer:

(prayer for my home)

Lord, you know the difficulties we face being home, the memories, and the harshness of facing reality are all too much at times. Please help us to see our home as a safe place, a place of peace and comfort. Please help us to see our home as a place of hope. Would you please remove all the wrong images from our minds and the bad experiences we had leading up to losing our baby? Instead, keep our minds on things above that are heavenly and glorifying to you.

Would you please guide our steps moving forward no matter what we face?

(prayer for my body)

Please give me wisdom on how to heal properly, and handle the circumstances I am facing. Would you please help me see this body of mine as a body of hope, not a body of loss? Please help me to find comfort in knowing my body has not failed me; it is working! Would you please help me to be gentle with myself, God? Please prepare and protect me for surgery and use me to glorify you every step of the way.

In Jesus name, we pray, Amen

Songs:

Promises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1PonQaEtK0

Have my hearthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Skc4MQlqU 

Praise you in the stormhttps://www.youtube.com/watch? v=t5jhtjLt0pg&list=PLXhWe5uvEV3lyngDmZ08-Icoudzpuz00p&index=2

Surroundedhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpd12nQ82vw

Scripture:

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed (afraid), for I am your God; I will strengthen you, help you, and uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 18:28

For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord, my God, lightens my darkness.